I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
