Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
