You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
