we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize