I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she peed on how many people?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
