You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
