no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
