bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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