What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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