He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
