I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
