I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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