i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
