you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
