as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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