Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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