I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
