Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
