Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
