Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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