I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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