physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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