Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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