im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
True strength comes from lack of pants
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
