I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
