Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
