life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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