I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
