It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
