someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
