dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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