im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
