Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
