the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i barfeds in our rink
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How's work?
Spinning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
