Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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