if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
