john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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