btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
