if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What a dumb baby whore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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