Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
