why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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