she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
