How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
