Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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