i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
