We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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