Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
