wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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