It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
worst night to have a conscience
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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