The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
