I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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