Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
