it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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