I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
