I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
