Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
one two three fourrrrnication!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
