i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I smell stomach acid.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
