you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
