This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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