Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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