and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The adults are the big ones right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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