moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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