He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
