Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
3pm strippers are depressing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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