After last night, I could never be a politician.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
