My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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