i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
