So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
