Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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