I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
