our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
