Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
