Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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