He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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