Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
