I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
