Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
