At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
