I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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