i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
