Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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