'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
